


Decaf?  Really?

by ajay_lotte



Series: The Yellow Car Initiative [6]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Jessica Jones (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chaos, Conversations, Gen, everyone has lost their keys, key amnesty, yellow car game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajay_lotte/pseuds/ajay_lotte
Summary: In which Matt holds an amnesty for his missing apartment keys, Karen has a less ordinary than usual day at work, and Daredevil gets momentarily distracted on his hunt for the final key.
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Matt Murdock, Frank Castle & Matt Murdock, Logan (X-Men)/Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Karen Page
Series: The Yellow Car Initiative [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883668
Comments: 7
Kudos: 183





	Decaf?  Really?

**Author's Note:**

> Hii  
> So my life currently involves an inability to write something worthwhile so here's a hopefully good-ish waste of time for anyone procrastinating  
> Marvel owns all these characters and stuff, this is just a fanfiction for my own amusement because I suck, I'm bored, and forgot I had set myself up to write about Matt's missing keys in a previous part to this series  
> Warnings: swearing, sex is implied, BDSM is too (no smut- sorry, not sorry), and a not-so-sneaky reference for any Dr Who fans (again; sorry, not sorry)  
> Anyone who gets it- total queen.  
> Lotte :)

“Foggy.” Matt walks into work. The door slams against the wall making a one-hundred-dollar dent in the concrete.

The man comes out of his office in a panic. “What happened? Who’s dying?”

“I need you to give me my apartment key back.” Karen looks between Matt, and Foggy, and then the broken wall. “I’m starting a key amnesty.” She sets up another GoFundMe:

‘HELP; my idiotic co-workers strike again’.

The last one raised one thousand and three dollars.

“How come Karen doesn’t get a dramatic entrance?” Karen smirks.

“Karen gave me hers last night at Josie’s. You drank the eel.” Foggy blushes, heavily, and passes Matt the key.

“No dying on me.” Matt salutes him and walks into the office, oddly happy. “What?”

Karen can’t help but feel a little sorry for Foggy. “Matt’s starting a key amnesty. There’s a box on his apartment roof.”

“What?! Anyone could take them!”

“Remember when there was that bomb and Frank couldn’t get in? Well, turns out everybody’s been losing their keys. So, they’re being confiscated by the Devil until, and I quote, ‘everybody stops staining my sofa without permission’.”

Foggy frowns. “I’ve never came to Matt half dead.”

“It was the cheese puffs.” Matt’s back in the room. Karen spills her coffee. Stupid super hearing ninja. “Much worse than blood. Stank the flat out for weeks, even after I got the cushions dry cleaned.”

“Sorry Buddy.”

“Karen, I’ve got the latest documents for the Truman’s case but they’re all in written text. Please could you scan them for me?”

“I’ll even send them to the printer.”

“Thank you, Karen. Foggy and I have an impromptu meeting with the District Attorney. We won’t be back until after lunch.”

“I’ll hold the fort.” Karen says, and watches her best friends leave the office, Matt holding onto Foggy’s arm, already laughing about something. Cheese puff related incidents forgotten.

Karen’s just thanking a couple who have come to hire her for her investigative work when her fellow PI storms through the door. She says ‘fellow’, but they’ve only met a handful of times. Jessica chooses to attend ‘saltmate nights’ with Matt instead of joining the IKD drinking group. “Where’s Murdock?”

“Currently in a meeting. I’m not a lawyer, but can I help?”

Jessica nods, and empties her pockets. A pile of keys is dumped on the table. “Twenty keys for ten dollars.” Karen looks at the pile of keys. “That was the deal, I want the money.”

“How… what… why?” Karen struggles with a suitable question.

Jessica grunts. Eyes are rolled. “Mine’s there, then I spent hours helping my so-called friends find their keys. Trish, Luke, Danny, Colleen. Colleen had two. Then the Insect’s been losing them in various dumpsters, so that’s nine.”

“That’s Peter, right?”

“That damn Parker kid. Don’t even like him- I just happen to end up in dumpster’s a lot. A lot more than I’m comfortable with. I then stole Wade’s, which Peter gave him back apparently.” The woman snorts. “He’s going to be looking for that key for months.”

“The other half?”

“Five were from a raccoon. Traded with him at the conference for Red’s new suit for one of Fury’s eyepatches. Apparently, he had the load cut for himself on Xandar, wherever the fuck that is.” Karen doesn’t follow. “I pulled that face too. Just accept it; Murdock’s friends with a talking raccoon. And an alien tree.”

Karen’s not even going to touch that. “That still leaves five.”

“The Fantastic Four gave me theirs to save them a trip to the Kitchen; they’re all doing some trippy space thing. And the other one is from some flying blonde space lady in a bright coloured suit. Said she couldn’t hang around… just heard of the amnesty from some guy who likes Footloose.”

“Captain Marvel?!” Karen exclaims. “She helped save the world, how do you not know her? Actually… how does Matt know her?!” She takes out her wallet and over hands a ten-dollar bill.

“Thanks honey.” Jessica says with a high-pitched voice, puts her sunglasses on and leaves the office. Hours later, after lunch as promised but so much later, the avocados at law return. Matt cocks his head to the side.

“Jessica’s been.” He says. Then takes his wallet out. “There are definitely twenty?” Karen takes the money from him.

“You know Captain Marvel! How come we never knew this?!” Karen exclaims. Foggy blushes.

“Foggy, you’ve got the worst poker face.” Matt says, and Karen wonders if he always knows when people blush or if it’s just because Foggy’s turned into a beetroot.

“So Foggy knows but not me?!”

“That was my fault.” Foggy says. “Remember when there was that phase when we told Matt he had to tell us everything.”

Matt furrows his eyebrows.

Karen could call him out on pouting.

“It was around then when he met Captain Marvel, and I said you might not want to know about that.”

Karen opens her mouth to complain. Then she realises the implication. “It’s not often she calls by.”

“More than once?!” Foggy asks. Matt nods. “Ok, we need to rewrite the contract on what you tell us.” Karen nods. Matt frowns.

“I’ve only just wrapped my head around this one.”

“And how much Avenger related stuff aren’t you telling us?”

“Quite a bit.”

Foggy’s about to say something, then changed his mind. “Captain Marvel?” Karen presses.

“Oh, uh, I don’t know. Over five? I stopped counting.” Matt shrugs. Foggy rests his head on Matt’s shoulder. Karen gets up to make coffee.

“Thanks Karen.”

There’s a beat. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Matt complains.

“No buddy, no you did not.” Foggy agrees and taps him on the shoulder.

“Emotions suck.”

“Yep! Now go turn into an attorney-bot and lawyer the hell out of Karen’s beautiful Braille documents.”

Frank is the first person to use the amnesty box. “Not very anonymous if you sit out here all night, Red.”

“It’s not intended to be anonymous.” Frank chucks the key into the box. He sits down next to Red. “You’re not on a killing spree tonight then?”

“Would you stop me if I was?”

“I would try.” He nods. “I don’t like killing.”

“You say that, and it sounds like the end of a sentence.” Frank comments. “But that’s a context loaded statement, Red.”

“I think people deserve a chance at redemption.”

“So you’ve said.”

“Just because I don’t like killing,” Matt says, gesturing to the air in front of him where he knows Natasha is going to appear in a couple of minutes, “doesn’t mean I don’t like all killers.”

Frank gulps. He stays where he’s sat.

“Hey Red.” Black Widow lands on his roof. “Here’s your key.” She chucks it into the box. “Clint couldn’t make it, he’s in Sokovia. But I’ve got his and Claire’s key.” She throws two more into the box.

“Who’s Clint?” Frank asks, hoping for an answer.

“A pain in the ass.” Black Widow says.

“A dick.” Red says.

He should know not to expect helpful answers.

“If I get it back, do I get an identity to go along with it?”

“No.” Natasha nods. “And no looking.” She leaves without another word. Matt and Frank watch her go in silence.

“You do it on purpose, don’t you?”

Cue the shit eating grin.

“Do what?”

Frank stays with Red, and the next person to arrive at the roof is Spider-Man, having arrived by sticking to the walls rather than swinging. “Do you know how many people looked at me when I was just on the bus?!” He exclaims. “Everyone! Spandex isn’t made for bus rides!

“Why didn’t you swing?” Frank asks.

“I’d have dropped the keys.”

“Ever heard of a bag?” 

Peter empties his pockets. Keys pour out like water from a tap.

“Peter.”

“I found them all Double-D; promise. Aunt May made me spend every free hour tracking them down. Including Jessica’s, there should be one hundred keys.”

Matt doesn’t answer.

“I had a them cut, because you were all like ‘don’t lose it’ and ‘I trust you’, and I know that’s a big thing, and then I panicked. Because I lose everything. Literally, Miss Agent Romanoff picked one up in Venice. And I lost one on Titan, that planet I was telling you about, but Nebula had it and gave it to Tony. So we’re all good. Though, that one took me ages to find because Tony lost it too. Pepper found it and gave it to Happy who didn’t know what it was.”

“Peter.” Matt cuts him off.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Peter hesitates. Looks at Frank for help. He doesn’t get it. “Umm, no worries Double-D?” The question comes out as a squeak. He then hovers, shifts his weight between his feet several times, nods decisively, then runs.

Keys come in quick from then.

Wade comes, panics over his lost key, then sticks around ‘because the asshat writer of this fanfic wants him to’.

There’s a wordless visit from Logan.

Thor turns up, bruised and bloodied, carrying his and Loki’s keys.

The last person to come by is Vision. Matt tilts his head to the side: the man feels different. Less… power filled, more human. “These are all the keys I could find of yours. Wanda was very helpful, but she is currently in Rio.”

“Rio?” Frank asks.

Vision nods. “With Nebula, apparently she wanted to be introduced to some of the culture here on ‘Terra’.”

“Hope she’s dressed for it.” Wade grins. Everyone looks at him. “It’s a nerdy reference, don’t worry about it.”

Matt takes the keys from Vision. “Thank you. Do you know if this is all of them?”

“Yes.” The man nods. “I would say you’re free to go on patrol, but you’ve been sat out here most the night. Perhaps sleep would be a wiser choice.”

Frank stands up. Stretches. “I’m going to camp on your floor.”

“Wait.” Matt says. “Just to double check, are all of the keys in this box?”

“Yes.” Vision says. Lie. Daredevil stands up and steps closer to the ex-Avenger. “Ok, no. One of them’s in the wind. I don’t know who has it.”

Matt steps back. Thanks the man again. Listens to him leave. “You let him go too easy, Devil boy.” Wade says.

“I got what I needed.” Frank waits for an expansion on that. It doesn’t come. That bothers Wade, who Frank wishes wasn’t here.

“Well, where is it?”

“Who goes to a shop and has ninety-nine keys cut?”

“Peter.” Wade answers. Matt takes off his cowl to give the man a withering glare. Frank gives one too to help get Red the reaction he wants. “Oh! You mean he would’ve asked for a hundred!”

Wade vanishes soon after that, to go and interrogate Peter no doubt. Frank follows Red inside. “You can sleep on the couch if you shower first.”

“Seems like a better deal.” Franks points out.

“My nose wants to hire Wade to kill you.”

“I’ll shower.” Frank hesitates before going into the bathroom. “Don’t think too hard, Red. It’ll turn up.”

It does not turn up.

What does turn up is a very smug Clint.

“How was Sokovia?” Daredevil asks, because it’s polite, then: “where’s my key?” Clint laughs, and walks into the apartment. It’s been a week since the amnesty box, but the missing key is still the most important thing on Matt’s mind.

“Sokovia was great.” Clint puts water onto boil and takes some coffee out of the cupboard. “Decaf? Really?”

“I’m on probation. According to Nat, I’ve been drinking more than Stark.”

“Ouch.” Clint smirks. “All the stress from the missing key?”

“Actually, all the stress from a day job thing.”

Clint gasps, stumbles a bit, and collapses onto the floor. “This is it.” He chokes out. “The world is ending; I’m learning information about the Devil.” Clint’s head hits the floor, and Matt rolls his eyes under his helmet. Matt has just gotten back from his night out but being able to sense the archer coming his way, he kept the new armour on. “So… you have a day job?”

“You thought I didn’t? You know this doesn’t pay the bills, right?” And a lot of the time, his day job doesn’t either, but he’s not going to go into that right now.

“You should become an Avenger.” Clint offers. Daredevil snorts. “Ok, ok. Your key: I don’t have it.”

“But you did.” Matt accuses, kneeling down by Clint’s side and holding him down with one hand. Clint struggles against it.

“Shit you’re strong.” Matt presses harder until he stops squirming. “Jean Grey stole it from me.” Daredevil tilts his head to the side. “I saw her in Walmart. She asked me about my kids, took the key, and walked away shouting ‘sucker!’. I was a fool, Red, a fool.”

There’s something about Hawkeye taking to Dark Phoenix in such a casual setting that makes Matt shiver.

“Stop laying around Clint, or you’ll burn water.”

“What…?! You…! I…!” He jumps to his feet and takes the boiled water, and adds it to the ew-decaf coffee granules. Clint hands one to Matt.

He takes a sip, but puts down the coffee, instead opting for a beer from the fridge. “What does Jean want with my key?”

Clint gasps again. “You don’t know?!”

“No?” Matt’s going to need another beer if the man keeps this up. That wouldn’t do his sense much good. Why? “What don’t I know Clint?”

“I’ll see you around, Red!” He ditches the coffee and runs out the fire escape.

“Likewise.”

Saturday. Matt hates Saturdays. Purely because for the most of the day, he has nothing to do. Sure, he meets Jessica and Thor on alternate weekly evenings, but he has until five doing nothing.

No work. No church.

No nothing.

So he takes out his phone. “Call Logan.” It rings, and rings, and Matt is ordering coffee when he finally answers.

“What do you want Red?”

“What does Jean want with my apartment key?” He growls into the phone, flashing the barista a charming smile to make up for it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Satan.”

“Haha. New one.” He pays for the "decaf" coffee and leaves the shop with a silent thank you. “What’s so important about my key Wolfy?”

“Haha. New one.” Then he sighs. “I don’t actually know, but I’ve got it at the moment.” Matt blinks. “Everybody wants the key Red. Seven people have tried to steal it off me in the last three hours, including Wilson and three people I don’t know.”

“Meet me?”

“Of course. Are you coming in red?” Matt smirks around the lid of his coffee.

“Depends.”

“I’m at my safe house.”

“Give me an hour.” It only takes half for Matt to change and turn up at the house, where the man is greeting him at the door. “Bloodhound.” Daredevil mocks, and Logan smirks, because although he doesn’t know the man all that well, he knows his sense of smell rivals his own.

“Bedroom’s this way.” Logan growls, but the Devil starts kissing- attacking, perhaps ‘kissing’ is too much of a delicate word- him before he even shuts the door.

Logan ties the Devil to his bed, and at some point the masked man escaped and managed to chain back the wolf. “Still want your key?” Logan spits at the man above him. The Devil throws back his head with a laugh.

“What?”

“You didn’t notice?” Logan doesn’t dignify that with a response. “Wade stole it.”

“That little…”

“Today’s been fun, Logan.” He growls, and stands up.

“Bathroom’s that way.” He returns, voice just as animalistic, earning a killer smirk from the faceless man.

Matt doesn’t stick around long, and it doesn’t take much effort to track down the assassin. Wade is sat on the top of the old Avengers Tower, swinging and humming a tune to a song Matt recognises from some TV show the twins watch two blocks over from his flat every evening.

Wade takes a short intake of breath, and his heart speeds up only slightly. “Yellow car.” Matt says before Wade can, and hits the assassin on the shoulder.

“What? Where?!” He asks, and looks down below. Matt frowns. “No there isn’t. Wade hits him back. “But I did get you an awesome yellow car key chain. It’s on your apartment keys.” Wade takes them out of his pocket and hands them to Matt.

“Thank you.” Matt says, and runs his fingers over the plastic figure, trying to discern which way up it goes. He’s not sure- the wheels aren’t obvious so he assumes they’re painted on the wonky rectangle. “Why is everyone trying to steal my key? Danny is two buildings over that way, the Insect’s inside stuck to the ceiling three floors down, and someone I’ve never met is watching us through a sniper over that way.”

“Jumping Jessica says to ring the raccoon.”

“Call Rocket.”

“Hey Dickwad, thought you might call.”

“Explain.”

“Remember that time when we were shooting out the Sovereign ships through the sewers?” Matt nods. “Your key is now made of gold. The Collector wants to add it to his dumbass collection of shit. It’s worth ten thousand units.”

“Why?”

“You’ve been in prophecies on planets around the universe for millenniums. That key is wanted by everyone.”

“Why didn’t you steal it?” Rocket laughs.

“Oh, boy did I want to! But I don’t have a death wish. Yet.”

“Yellow car!” Wade yells and hits Matt. The devil wasn’t paying attention, he can’t learn Wade’s tell if he isn’t paying attention.

“Fuck you Wade.”

“Please do.”

Matt groans. “So I’m currently in possession of a key selling for ten thousand units on whatever ‘shit hole’ the Collector lives on. We don’t have the tech to send people there. Why are people on earth stealing it?”

“I am Groot.”

“No, they don’t want to eat it!” Rocket sounds offended. Matt tries to ignore the suggestion. “Because your so called friends are nice, Red. Everyone knows the Avengers. By playing chase with that key, you’re stopping thousands of invasions.”

“Maybe I should sell it.”

“No!” He yells, and Matt hears voices, and a spaceship scrape.

“Yellow car.” Wade hits him again.

Matt flips him off.

“You don’t want to know what that key unlocks.”

“I know it’s not the safe to the burner phone numbers.”

“Oh, screw you, you red wearing ninja. We both know that was an impossible challenge.”

“You’re a professional.”

“You mangy little…!” There’s some sounds of fighting and the line goes dead.

“Huh.” Matt says, throwing up the key and catching it again. “When I bought my flat I didn’t think I was going to cause international chaos and spark alien invasions.” Wade opens his mouth. “Yellow car.” Matt interrupts.

Wade grumbles something along the lines of ‘you stole my car’, and Matt only beams.

“Fetch!” He yells and lobs the key off the rooftop.

The surrounding vigilantes run.


End file.
